~Happy And Divorced~
"If you're married to an unbeliever, and he’s pleased to dwell with you, let him. If not, let him depart." scripture tells us.
The Lord has called us to peace.
Sooo, here goes. I've put off this post for over a year now because it's such a touchy subject and I don't always trust myself when it comes to saying things exactly the right way.
But the deal is this:
It's certainly beautiful and best if a couple can work it out. The Bible even says that divorce covers our garments with violence and it does. Anyone who has walked through it can testify to that. The pain is intense. The journey is lonely. And the reprocussions are complicated.
"Okay, and how does all that go with being happy?" you might ask.
Fair question. You see, this whole happy thing has been misunderstood by some I'm sure. It's not about being giddy-happy all the time. It is about learning how to enjoy the joy that God has given you even as you walk through the hardest of times. It can really be done. It's been tested. I'm a living testimony and there are several others, too.
There are far too many scenarios to set up of it being his fault or yours and exactly wether there was abuse or infidelity or just inability to reconcile because of any number of issues.
Whatever the reasons, wether you feel those reasons are justified or not, wether you were the perpetrator or he was. Wether you are ashamed or your head is held high knowing you did what's right, let's just say you find yourself on this side of divorce.
Here are some easy tools to apply that just might land you on happy and divorced instead of divorced and depressed.
Try these out!
- Understand your worth and how much of a treasure that you truly are. Your value is not wrapped up in another person. It actually never was.
- Take time each day to do something for yourself, whether it is working out, sitting outside relaxing in the sun, or just having some quiet time. Its so important to take care yourself; if you neglect your self you certainly won't be much help to others; the happier you are, the happier the people around you will be most likely, its contagious!
- Learn to let go of bitterness and resentment a little each day. Holding on to those things will HOLD YOU BACK and keep you from moving on and experiencing happiness and peace.
- Implement a lighthearted attitude. Divorce is such a heavy thing to walk through, so try to make each day as light hearted as possible. Laugh more, relax more, try not to take things so seriously and guard your happiness!
- What makes you truly happy? What do you feel your purpose is? What really matters to you? What drives you and gets you excited? Go after these things!
- Remember that your happiness is infectious- you can literally affect the vibe of a room with your presence. Are you giving off happiness or not so much? Something to consider! Though you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death it may seem, you really CAN fear no evil. You can overcome and because of it, share that joy of overcoming with everyone around.
- Be true to yourself and the person God has called you to be. Here is your chance to make lemonade.
This certainly doesn't even scratch the surface of this topic. Also, I want to be clear that this is only addressing after the fact. If you are married and wonder if you can make it, I would say to you, read everything you can by Jimmy Evans and get yourself to counseling. Open your heart to those in your life who love you and are for you. We also were not sure we were going to make it a couple of times and this is exactly what we did. It can be done. That said, we were facing just typical marriage stuff. I cannot imagine walking through abuse or infidelity. That said, you can also walk THROUGH even that and get on the other side to blissfully married. Not sure how. Never gone through all that but I've seen it done beautifully.
But I do know this. Our God is a BIG God and He has felt your pain. He knows exactly where you are and has already seen ahead and provided for you spiritually, physically, & emotionally.
There are so many variables involved. Your story is different than whoever is judging you. You don't have to answer to anyone but God. He knows your heart. He loves you. He believes in you.
I hope this helped someone to know that it is possible to be happy and divorced. I hope if you are divorced that you just become more of a testimony to God than you can ever imagine that ALL things are possible to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.
Married, Divorced, or Single...