The F Word

Have you noticed recently how people seem to be enamored with the notion of authenticity and vulnerability.  But have you also noticed some people might as well be pelting pea gravel at you the moment you authentically mess up? We love to discuss the theory of “no perfect people allowed” but when it comes to living it out in community, it gets a little messy. Why? Because it requires the F Word - Forgiveness. 

Get authentic with yourself {that’s where it starts} and let’s talk forgiveness....

We love receiving forgiveness but man it’s hard to give it! My Mom often said, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” What we sow that we will also reap scripture teaches. To the degree we forgive is the degree we receive it.  Don’t ya think if we want to receive forgiveness liberally we oughta give it liberally? Even when it hurts. 

Aren’t we all the same kind of different? We all disappoint. We all have imperfect attitudes at times. We all are in this together until one day when one of us isn’t “good enough any more” and the other of us walks out the door. 

In the very core of who I am I believe this with all my heart :

Relationships are not disposable! 

Yet people just walk out the door so easily. Pain - emmense pain - on the other side of that door is there to greet all involved. Just look around. 

 Yes there are times to do a “friendventory” and there are toxic situations where people in our lives need to be brought to a decision of change. Just Note:  Sometimes that person in our lives is US! Pruning is necessary only when done biblically. This looks very differently than yelling and fussing and leaving.

If someone cuts us out of their lives, gosh, it hurts so badly. I wonder if it is because we wish they could see past our sin and value us enough to love us anyway and do the necessary work of reconciliation. I wonder if it’s hard to accept that we just didn’t have what it takes to earn their forgiveness. But see, this is what I am doesn’t matter what value “they” place on me. What matters is what value God places on me. When you get this, rejection gets a little bit easier. 

Who was in your life that you cut out of your life because they just weren’t worth the effort to you to work it out? If forgiveness was needed in order to perhaps reconcile the relationship, are you willing to forgive and work it out reconsidering a decision made out of pain? Is there anyone who has cut you out of their life or betrayed you in some way and you need to forgive them? Is there a conversation that could be had to reconcile the situation? Is there a toxic relationship you need to do a friendventory on and set up clear boundaries for a healthier relationship? Is there a relationship that is nonexistent and beyond repair that you need to let go of? The root word of forgiveness is “to let go”.

I have been purging and decluttering my house very intentionally and my tie to stuff has become much looser while my tie to people has become much stronger. It’s hard to let go of stuff much less people! But when someone wants to be let go of the most loving thing we can do is let them go. At the end of the day, we are not in control and releasing control while trusting God is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and the other. One of the hardest facts of life for me {being authentic} is that people come and people go. Life to me is all about relationships and there is no relationship I have ever had that isn’t worth fighting for. But I’m finding this sentiment is not always shared. And I’m also learning that when someone tells you they want to leave your life, believe them and let them go as hard as it is. We are not God. We cannot convict their souls of this injustice. You can only do what you can do in situations where people are not willing to work things out respectably and with honor and integrity. But what we can do is focus on loving the people who choose to remain in our lives with the love of God that never fails! And we can also love those who choose not to remain in our lives with the love of God that never fails. Sometimes we love those that leave best by not focusing on them but by focusing on loving those who stay in our lives with all we have. Love lets go. And that is a new lesson for me that has allowed me to walk in more freedom than ever. Try it! 

Forgiveness is like the oil in the engine of a relationship. It makes things run smoother. It’s needed in every single relationship we have. Whether the F Word needs to be used on ourselves or someone else, it is the only way to move forward. 

Go ahead and use the F word today and you will have a much happier Monday! ...and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday and Sunday and life!  

Happy Monday!  

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